[ quietly giyuu notes the changes in his tone and thinks about how he should navigate it. it's less about what he can do to right his actions on the island and more of how he can understand the person in front of him. if there's something he can do. ]
I'm sorry. [ even though he has no reason to apologize or should be apologizing in the first place, giyuu does nevertheless. he does so with a brief apologetic lowering of his head before righting himself. ] It wasn't my intention to either. If I could have stayed, then I would have stayed with you until the end.
[ again, though, he considers dimitri's question before answering sounding equally frustrated and determined. ]
And I have. I can't do anything about remembering who killed me, and now it doesn't matter if we even find out who that person was...or persons.
[ he would love to have the answers, though, to have the blank spaces filled in. ]
From the very start, it has been finding out what's happening here so I could send you all back home.
[ It's not his fault—it's the fault of whoever killed him. And even that was the fault of the game itself. Even so, his expression softens at his apology. ]
I know you have.
[ Even from his short time here, he's seen that Giyuu has been working since he died, too. He's never given up. ]
It's not something you have to take on alone. We all have things to atone for.
[ closes eyes at the reveal and does not see them. ]
Some more than others.
[ is he referring to himself? yeah, a bit, but there are definitely other people who have hands just as bloodied and shoulders who should be just as heavy as his if not more. giyuu takes a moment to look at dimitri, really study him, before he continues to what he wants to say.
he...thinks he knows what it is that he wants to say now. ]
I will not ask if you have or haven't forgiven me yet for what happened back on the island where we first met, but at least allow me the right to say that I will do anything so that both you and Kocho can make it out of this place and go back to where you're supposed to be.
[ there are others he wants to help be set free from here, and he knows that he is not alone in what he wants to do but—for shinobu he wants nothing more to bring her home to her family. as for dimitri? ]
Even though I know what awaits Kocho when she goes back— [ giyuu will pause for a moment as he lowers his gaze. this is far too uncomfortable for him but this is what he should be saying. perhaps even at the start? ] I'm...fond of you both.
[ Dimitri doesn't exactly wilt under words like this—he respects sincerity, would never mock anyone for their genuine feelings—but he is surprised by them. He'd known that Giyuu had cared for and protected him, but something about the word fond makes it feel like they're friends again. It reminds him of the island, before the execution, where he'd spoken to Giyuu with a simple, earnest trust.
He responds easily. ]
Giyuu, I've already forgiven you.
[ He forgave him when he died, clearly an innocent man. He'd mourned him. He'd regret how much time he wasted, suspecting whether Giyuu's growth were another ploy, some insidious plot to regain his trust and shatter it again.
That's the simple part. It takes a moment to find more words, carefully plucking them from the murk of his emotions. ]
I... [ his voice wavers. ] I'm glad.
[ All three of them have blood on their hands, now. Even so, Dimitri wants so badly to reach for their palms, to squeeze them both. Why should he be able to find camaraderie and happiness when he'd killed them both? He doesn't deserve it, but even so, he can't help but return the sentiment, warm and fragile. ]
...I care for you both as well, but... it seems unfair to say that, when we all have our victims now.
[ dimitri's forgiveness is by far one of the best things, if not the best thing, that he has heard since all of this started. it changes his demeanor and gives him a bit more courage. ]
Kocho told me as soon as she could about how she killed Yu. I think she wanted me to hate her for it. [ the memory of how they both reacted when they saw one another in this place burned into his mind. he won't forget it. ] I told her that the suffering she'd make herself endure would be enough and that I didn't want to add to it. I told her that I wouldn't leave her.
[ there's a pause before he speaks again as he thinks about how he should put the rest into words. or, maybe, he doesn't need words but to just hear more from dimitri himself. he has been talking the most—ironically. ]
Dimitri, do you think that what we put ourselves through is enough? We're not forgetting what we've done. [ it's not supposed to be a hypothetical but a real question. haven't they suffered enough? the weight that giyuu forced himself to carry, the burdens shouldering shinobu, dimitri's own heart... ] The people we've hurt have forgiven us.
[ he won't speak for yu's opinion of shinobu or any others outside of the three of them, but between the three of them, he feels as though that might be the case. if shinobu and dimitri have forgiven him—the aggressor of the entire situation they found themselves in—then surely there must have been some level of that between dimitri and shinobu. ]
[ He's forgiven them both and received it in kind. It doesn't make what they've done right, but everything about this game is designed to make people villains, to maim and hate each other. Is it a sign of defiance, then, to care anyway?
It doesn't seem right, but Dimitri rarely wants for anything. It's something he's set aside in favor of caring after the dead; he gives their desires a voice, a will in lieu of his own. But now that he's dead... has he done enough? Can he really speak for himself after having failed so many people? ]
...Is that truly all right?
[ It's tentative, halting with emotion before his thoughts spill out past his own guilt. ]
That's what I want. [ He's glad the sting of the past has dulled—he's happier having forgiven them. He thinks it must be the same for them, with how heavy this tortuous weight is as it drags behind them. Underneath all his anger, this is what he's truly hoped for. ] I want... to be able to move forward together.
[ Even if the past is always there. He doesn't believe in going back to conversations in the jungle, to the first moments where he and Giyuu exchanged their friendship. Those days are dead and gone.
But maybe that doesn't mean they have to stand in place, regretting. ]
[ as dimitri works himself through his decision, giyuu watches him carefully and does his best to understand where dimitri is coming from. what he could be feeling. he's aware of the pain of being left behind—questioning why you lived while the others died around you. whether dimitri continued to feel incompetent and unworthy of the life he was given as he did is a different story but—
he'll nod his head once and reach out to put a hand on dimitri's shoulder. it's a casual touch and one he wonders is allowed. hopefully it's allowed. he hasn't been shrugged off once so far. lately he has become more bold in his physical connection with people since dying. it's strange what death does to a person. ]
I think it's something that Kocho would like.
[ giyuu makes sure to be careful with that; the last thing he would want to do is to speak for shinobu, but would this be something she would be mad at? it doesn't seem like it would be. (but he is still learning how to understand people.) he takes some time to debate if he should even say the next part as giyuu doesn't know if he's allowed to ask for things. it's not supposed to be about him but maybe it'll help dimitri. ]
...and it's something I would like as well. If you want to move forward, then I would want that as well.
[ It's not as though Giyuu has never comforted him in the past, but it feels a little different, now. On the island, it was a piece of Giyuu's manipulations—in camp, Dimitri had rejected it, lashing out. For the first time, maybe they're standing on equal ground. He doesn't flinch at the touch.
Finally, Giyuu will feel his shoulders relax. ]
...Yes, I do.
[ He reaches up, giving Giyuu's hand a firm squeeze. For all that his trust has been rattled here, it never seems like he's alone here. There's always someone he can put his faith in. ]
Can we fight beside each other, this time?
[ He doesn't want to hurt Giyuu or Kocho again—all of this has been for a better ending, for them and everyone involved. So much pain and suffering, and it finally feels like there's something to hope for. He has to believe in that, even after death. ] I would stand by you both until the bitter end.
i'm cursed to have used this icon now twice on you......
[ the tension leaving dimitri's shoulders and the hand on his that doesn't push him away—all of this seems right. it causes his own stance to relax and settle into something more casual. giyuu doesn't know how much dimitri was affected by his and shinobu's death, but it doesn't matter in the context of the moment that they're sharing.
right now, it finally feels as though they're truly taking steps forward to resolving and healing the damage that has been done. ]
Yes, we can; I would want it no other way. [ again, he doesn't want to speak for shinobu but...would she really hate this? ] And the next time we part it will be under our terms.
[ giyuu gives dimitri's shoulder a squeeze as his expression changes. the faint smile that crept up on giyuu's face at their parting just days ago returning, except it's less of a small curvature of his lips but an entire softening of his face where he smiles genuinely. softly. the harshness lines and cold stoicism of his normal demeanor falling away. who knew he could smile like this?
the person standing before dimimtri is a version of one giyuu tomioka that has not been seen in years. one not seen since he lost someone so dear to him that the only way to cope was to close everything off. ]
It is nice to see you again, Dimitri, even if these conditions are less than ideal.
[ It's a little bit of a shock to see Giyuu so... relaxed, but Dimitri doesn't tease him for it. It's nice to see him smile, to know that he's capable of it in such a dour, dark place like this. Dimitri has seen the worst of people here, but every once in a while there's a thread of something brighter, something golden and wonderful. He's never seen Giyuu this happy, even in life.
It's so hard to keep going, but he smiles back, brief and just as genuine. (Is this how reuniting with the dead really goes? When he sees his family again, will they be happy?) ]
I will gladly accept a happy reunion, no matter the circumstances.
[ Because through all that they've endured, with however much there is still to heal, he's glad to see him too. But his expression turns a little more serious then, though not cold. He's rarely cold. ]
It may be out of our hands now, but I do not intend to languish here forever.
[ For all that he'd said the three of them would make it out of this together, alive—he still can't let that go. ]
[ as the matters return back towards what lies before them, giyuu's smile will also ease off and the more stoic expression on his face will return. tension in his body doesn't quite return to being frigid or harsh, but more of straightening up in resolve. he hasn't forgotten anything. he swore it all before—they were going to go back to where they needed to be. ]
Right.
[ he affirms with a nod of his head and slowly releases his grip on dimitri's shoulder. he'd like his hand back but he's in no hurry to get his hand back either. the one of his voice as calm and even as it normally would be. ]
I'm not certain what awaits us, but something has started and it won't be stopped. The snake needs to appear and we'll need to be available to support those who are still alive to end it.
[ even if he later finds out that most of the living have absolutely no rights, but it's fine. punishing all of them for the actions of a few is not giyuu's prerogative. killing wretched creatures that toy and feed off of with other's suffering? yeah. definitely that is his thing. ]
If there's the slightest chance to cleave it to pieces—we should take it.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
I'm sorry. [ even though he has no reason to apologize or should be apologizing in the first place, giyuu does nevertheless. he does so with a brief apologetic lowering of his head before righting himself. ] It wasn't my intention to either. If I could have stayed, then I would have stayed with you until the end.
[ again, though, he considers dimitri's question before answering sounding equally frustrated and determined. ]
And I have. I can't do anything about remembering who killed me, and now it doesn't matter if we even find out who that person was...or persons.
[ he would love to have the answers, though, to have the blank spaces filled in. ]
From the very start, it has been finding out what's happening here so I could send you all back home.
no subject
I know you have.
[ Even from his short time here, he's seen that Giyuu has been working since he died, too. He's never given up. ]
It's not something you have to take on alone. We all have things to atone for.
no subject
Some more than others.
[ is he referring to himself? yeah, a bit, but there are definitely other people who have hands just as bloodied and shoulders who should be just as heavy as his if not more. giyuu takes a moment to look at dimitri, really study him, before he continues to what he wants to say.
he...thinks he knows what it is that he wants to say now. ]
I will not ask if you have or haven't forgiven me yet for what happened back on the island where we first met, but at least allow me the right to say that I will do anything so that both you and Kocho can make it out of this place and go back to where you're supposed to be.
[ there are others he wants to help be set free from here, and he knows that he is not alone in what he wants to do but—for shinobu he wants nothing more to bring her home to her family. as for dimitri? ]
Even though I know what awaits Kocho when she goes back— [ giyuu will pause for a moment as he lowers his gaze. this is far too uncomfortable for him but this is what he should be saying. perhaps even at the start? ] I'm...fond of you both.
no subject
He responds easily. ]
Giyuu, I've already forgiven you.
[ He forgave him when he died, clearly an innocent man. He'd mourned him. He'd regret how much time he wasted, suspecting whether Giyuu's growth were another ploy, some insidious plot to regain his trust and shatter it again.
That's the simple part. It takes a moment to find more words, carefully plucking them from the murk of his emotions. ]
I... [ his voice wavers. ] I'm glad.
[ All three of them have blood on their hands, now. Even so, Dimitri wants so badly to reach for their palms, to squeeze them both. Why should he be able to find camaraderie and happiness when he'd killed them both? He doesn't deserve it, but even so, he can't help but return the sentiment, warm and fragile. ]
...I care for you both as well, but... it seems unfair to say that, when we all have our victims now.
no subject
Kocho told me as soon as she could about how she killed Yu. I think she wanted me to hate her for it. [ the memory of how they both reacted when they saw one another in this place burned into his mind. he won't forget it. ] I told her that the suffering she'd make herself endure would be enough and that I didn't want to add to it. I told her that I wouldn't leave her.
[ there's a pause before he speaks again as he thinks about how he should put the rest into words. or, maybe, he doesn't need words but to just hear more from dimitri himself. he has been talking the most—ironically. ]
Dimitri, do you think that what we put ourselves through is enough? We're not forgetting what we've done. [ it's not supposed to be a hypothetical but a real question. haven't they suffered enough? the weight that giyuu forced himself to carry, the burdens shouldering shinobu, dimitri's own heart... ] The people we've hurt have forgiven us.
[ he won't speak for yu's opinion of shinobu or any others outside of the three of them, but between the three of them, he feels as though that might be the case. if shinobu and dimitri have forgiven him—the aggressor of the entire situation they found themselves in—then surely there must have been some level of that between dimitri and shinobu. ]
Should we really not care for one another?
no subject
...
[ He's forgiven them both and received it in kind. It doesn't make what they've done right, but everything about this game is designed to make people villains, to maim and hate each other. Is it a sign of defiance, then, to care anyway?
It doesn't seem right, but Dimitri rarely wants for anything. It's something he's set aside in favor of caring after the dead; he gives their desires a voice, a will in lieu of his own. But now that he's dead... has he done enough? Can he really speak for himself after having failed so many people? ]
...Is that truly all right?
[ It's tentative, halting with emotion before his thoughts spill out past his own guilt. ]
That's what I want. [ He's glad the sting of the past has dulled—he's happier having forgiven them. He thinks it must be the same for them, with how heavy this tortuous weight is as it drags behind them. Underneath all his anger, this is what he's truly hoped for. ] I want... to be able to move forward together.
[ Even if the past is always there. He doesn't believe in going back to conversations in the jungle, to the first moments where he and Giyuu exchanged their friendship. Those days are dead and gone.
But maybe that doesn't mean they have to stand in place, regretting. ]
no subject
he'll nod his head once and reach out to put a hand on dimitri's shoulder. it's a casual touch and one he wonders is allowed. hopefully it's allowed. he hasn't been shrugged off once so far. lately he has become more bold in his physical connection with people since dying. it's strange what death does to a person. ]
I think it's something that Kocho would like.
[ giyuu makes sure to be careful with that; the last thing he would want to do is to speak for shinobu, but would this be something she would be mad at? it doesn't seem like it would be. (but he is still learning how to understand people.) he takes some time to debate if he should even say the next part as giyuu doesn't know if he's allowed to ask for things. it's not supposed to be about him but maybe it'll help dimitri. ]
...and it's something I would like as well. If you want to move forward, then I would want that as well.
no subject
Finally, Giyuu will feel his shoulders relax. ]
...Yes, I do.
[ He reaches up, giving Giyuu's hand a firm squeeze. For all that his trust has been rattled here, it never seems like he's alone here. There's always someone he can put his faith in. ]
Can we fight beside each other, this time?
[ He doesn't want to hurt Giyuu or Kocho again—all of this has been for a better ending, for them and everyone involved. So much pain and suffering, and it finally feels like there's something to hope for. He has to believe in that, even after death. ] I would stand by you both until the bitter end.
i'm cursed to have used this icon now twice on you......
right now, it finally feels as though they're truly taking steps forward to resolving and healing the damage that has been done. ]
Yes, we can; I would want it no other way. [ again, he doesn't want to speak for shinobu but...would she really hate this? ] And the next time we part it will be under our terms.
[ giyuu gives dimitri's shoulder a squeeze as his expression changes. the faint smile that crept up on giyuu's face at their parting just days ago returning, except it's less of a small curvature of his lips but an entire softening of his face where he smiles genuinely. softly. the harshness lines and cold stoicism of his normal demeanor falling away. who knew he could smile like this?
the person standing before dimimtri is a version of one giyuu tomioka that has not been seen in years. one not seen since he lost someone so dear to him that the only way to cope was to close everything off. ]
It is nice to see you again, Dimitri, even if these conditions are less than ideal.
collects giyuu smiles
It's so hard to keep going, but he smiles back, brief and just as genuine. (Is this how reuniting with the dead really goes? When he sees his family again, will they be happy?) ]
I will gladly accept a happy reunion, no matter the circumstances.
[ Because through all that they've endured, with however much there is still to heal, he's glad to see him too. But his expression turns a little more serious then, though not cold. He's rarely cold. ]
It may be out of our hands now, but I do not intend to languish here forever.
[ For all that he'd said the three of them would make it out of this together, alive—he still can't let that go. ]
I know we need to get you home.
refuses to hand anymore out
Right.
[ he affirms with a nod of his head and slowly releases his grip on dimitri's shoulder. he'd like his hand back but he's in no hurry to get his hand back either. the one of his voice as calm and even as it normally would be. ]
I'm not certain what awaits us, but something has started and it won't be stopped. The snake needs to appear and we'll need to be available to support those who are still alive to end it.
[ even if he later finds out that most of the living have absolutely no rights, but it's fine. punishing all of them for the actions of a few is not giyuu's prerogative. killing wretched creatures that toy and feed off of with other's suffering? yeah. definitely that is his thing. ]
If there's the slightest chance to cleave it to pieces—we should take it.