[ being pulled away from the drunken madness isn't exactly against his will. normally giyuu wouldn't be thrown into this sort of thing, but somethings things just happen and he's had a few drinks in him already. nevertheless, it's just sake and he is an adult who has some experience drinking.
not that it matters because he'll share a look with dimitri before looking at shinobu carefully. he tries not to think much of dimitri's initial answer—he can't be surprised by it, honestly. ]
What do you mean by happiness exactly?
[ there's something about how she's bringing this up all of the sudden that's sobering. shinobu is no stranger to the situation that they share. ...yet? ]
[ She knows happiness isn't a priority for either of them. That's why she's making it a point to ask. It's a blunt request, coming from her, but they're short on time. She doesn't have weeks to try to guide or persuade them, little by little. She doesn't know what will happen after today, never mind after tomorrow.
What she knows is they have both grown so much in their time here. Despite the odds, despite all the hardships, despite all the suffering (the hateful, awful, necessitated suffering), they've come so far.
When I begin to doubt, when my thoughts turn towards the worst, everything goes—so unbelievably dark.
But hasn't he shown that his thoughts can turn towards the light?
I'm not good with the matters of the heart.
But hasn't he shown that he can see more than he did before? ]
This place has taken so much from me, from all of us, and I want to take something back.
[ She takes a small, shuddering breath. ]
You may not know, but you two lifted me when I didn't know how to stand again, after I broke the one thing I thought I would never break.
[ It takes her a moment, but she raises both her hands and extends a pinkie out to both Giyuu and Dimitri. There's an almost imperceptible tremble. ]
I can't let it take this from me. I won't let it. Happiness is something personal to everyone. What it means is different to each person.
[ She thought she could never make another promise, but she has to fight back. She has to do this again. ]
Help me. Please?
[ She's laid her emotions bare, her vulnerability out and in the open for once. ]
[ He's focused so much on what they've lost, that it's only recently that he's started to think of what they still need to save. His lashes flutter briefly in surprise, at her request and emotion both.
It's not that he expects her to be cold. Shinobu is small, but he knows her heart is a wide, fierce thing, so full and emptying out before them... it's still so startling, to face the brunt of how much she cares. Of all the things she asks for, it's not her happiness, but theirs.
Softly, bewildered, ]
Kocho...
[ And what is happiness, to him? He clutches to the tiny moments of it while they last, but it's ultimately such a transient thing, a flame in the wind. That's how he's viewed it for years, now. When she frames it as something he needs to find, he has to think and give it shape.
Happiness is... reaching out to someone, and having them clasp your hand in return. It's dragging them out from the dark and standing side by side. It's the moment after a storm has passed and he can see that it hasn't swept everyone and everything away, that utter relief he feels in having the people he loves with him still. It's his classmates' happiness, the way a smile changes his Professor's face. Their smiles.
It's making promises, and being able to keep them.
So he reaches out, curling his pinkie around hers, squeezing until his hand trembles too. He doesn't know how often happiness will visit him, but... ]
[ yeah, giyuu goes completely sober before shinobu is even done speaking. all of those previous drinks and the fuzziness of around his judgement disappear as he just is hyper aware of shinobu and her words.
the there will be no hesitation once giyuu decides to wrap his pinkie around her's. promises like these are important to her and it's taken him this long to realize it. he thinks back to the night before everything changed for the three of them and how she promised him like this too... another memory and a reason why he refuses to tremble and stand firm.
however, at the same time, there's a tenderness to his voice. he isn't entirely aware of what she broke but he remembers how she stood before him the moment they both arrived here and the difference between the two forms says enough to him. ]
It might take me a while to find it, Kocho, but I will look for it.
[ because it's very obvious how giyuu does not seek his happiness nor thinks he deserves it. he's working on some of it. he remembers that his life is not his own and he knows that those who leave him are still with him somehow... still, this is shinobu's final request of him and he would hardly reject it. he just wants to be honest with her. ...with the both of them.
he'll look over at dimitri for a moment before steeling himself. ]
And Dimitri's right—you won't lose this.
[ the three of them will find happiness. somehow. ]
[ That's all she wants. All she wants is for the both of them to try, for them to look. All it takes is one step before they can try to take another. Bit by bit, inch by inch, maybe they can reach a better place.
Her happiness lies with the happiness of others. After all, once this is said and done, where does she have to go?
It gives her some peace of mind. ]
I didn't know if I could make a promise like this again, but I wanted to try—with you two.
[ With all that's fraught between them, this, she thinks, can begin her return to being something more like herself instead of a faint facsimile of herself. She hooks their pinkies together and releases them. ]
I don't expect it to come easy to either of you, but that's what makes it more meaningful.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
not that it matters because he'll share a look with dimitri before looking at shinobu carefully. he tries not to think much of dimitri's initial answer—he can't be surprised by it, honestly. ]
What do you mean by happiness exactly?
[ there's something about how she's bringing this up all of the sudden that's sobering. shinobu is no stranger to the situation that they share. ...yet? ]
no subject
What she knows is they have both grown so much in their time here. Despite the odds, despite all the hardships, despite all the suffering (the hateful, awful, necessitated suffering), they've come so far.
When I begin to doubt, when my thoughts turn towards the worst, everything goes—so unbelievably dark.
But hasn't he shown that his thoughts can turn towards the light?
I'm not good with the matters of the heart.
But hasn't he shown that he can see more than he did before? ]
This place has taken so much from me, from all of us, and I want to take something back.
[ She takes a small, shuddering breath. ]
You may not know, but you two lifted me when I didn't know how to stand again, after I broke the one thing I thought I would never break.
[ It takes her a moment, but she raises both her hands and extends a pinkie out to both Giyuu and Dimitri. There's an almost imperceptible tremble. ]
I can't let it take this from me. I won't let it. Happiness is something personal to everyone. What it means is different to each person.
[ She thought she could never make another promise, but she has to fight back. She has to do this again. ]
Help me. Please?
[ She's laid her emotions bare, her vulnerability out and in the open for once. ]
no subject
It's not that he expects her to be cold. Shinobu is small, but he knows her heart is a wide, fierce thing, so full and emptying out before them... it's still so startling, to face the brunt of how much she cares. Of all the things she asks for, it's not her happiness, but theirs.
Softly, bewildered, ]
Kocho...
[ And what is happiness, to him? He clutches to the tiny moments of it while they last, but it's ultimately such a transient thing, a flame in the wind. That's how he's viewed it for years, now. When she frames it as something he needs to find, he has to think and give it shape.
Happiness is... reaching out to someone, and having them clasp your hand in return. It's dragging them out from the dark and standing side by side. It's the moment after a storm has passed and he can see that it hasn't swept everyone and everything away, that utter relief he feels in having the people he loves with him still. It's his classmates' happiness, the way a smile changes his Professor's face. Their smiles.
It's making promises, and being able to keep them.
So he reaches out, curling his pinkie around hers, squeezing until his hand trembles too. He doesn't know how often happiness will visit him, but... ]
You don't have to lose this, too.
[ He'll try his best. ]
no subject
the there will be no hesitation once giyuu decides to wrap his pinkie around her's. promises like these are important to her and it's taken him this long to realize it. he thinks back to the night before everything changed for the three of them and how she promised him like this too... another memory and a reason why he refuses to tremble and stand firm.
however, at the same time, there's a tenderness to his voice. he isn't entirely aware of what she broke but he remembers how she stood before him the moment they both arrived here and the difference between the two forms says enough to him. ]
It might take me a while to find it, Kocho, but I will look for it.
[ because it's very obvious how giyuu does not seek his happiness nor thinks he deserves it. he's working on some of it. he remembers that his life is not his own and he knows that those who leave him are still with him somehow... still, this is shinobu's final request of him and he would hardly reject it. he just wants to be honest with her. ...with the both of them.
he'll look over at dimitri for a moment before steeling himself. ]
And Dimitri's right—you won't lose this.
[ the three of them will find happiness. somehow. ]
no subject
[ That's all she wants. All she wants is for the both of them to try, for them to look. All it takes is one step before they can try to take another. Bit by bit, inch by inch, maybe they can reach a better place.
Her happiness lies with the happiness of others. After all, once this is said and done, where does she have to go?
It gives her some peace of mind. ]
I didn't know if I could make a promise like this again, but I wanted to try—with you two.
[ With all that's fraught between them, this, she thinks, can begin her return to being something more like herself instead of a faint facsimile of herself. She hooks their pinkies together and releases them. ]
I don't expect it to come easy to either of you, but that's what makes it more meaningful.